A Life On Cars guide to petrolhead Christmas presents

AS THE final bits of tinsel went up in The Champion office it dawned on me that it's December and Christmas is upon us. Mince pies, mulled wine, sleigh bells and Band Aid are back firmly on the festive menu.

The only problem is that I'm a petrolhead and - if you're reading this column, so are you - which means running the risk of getting a petrolhead present from a non-petrolhead partner, mum or mate down the pub. Which this year will almost certainly be , the latest in a long line of Jeremy Clarkson DVDs. It is the default Christmas gift if you know someone who likes their cars.

I haven't seen Powered Up yet but I've seen all of the fifteen or so DVDs and videos which preceded it, which have each ended up on my shelf after someone bought it me as a Christmas present. I can therefore safely bet this month's salary that Powered Up will contain the following; a race between some shiny new supercars, an appearance by The Stig, an unloved old car getting destroyed in a new and novel way and an analogy which winds up at least one celebrity. It is Police Academy 7 following Police Academy 6.

You could, of course, get the petrolhead in your life something for Christmas which isn't Clarkson's DVD; how about, for instance, a Land Rover branded lambswool wrap? Or a set of BMW-branded Bluetooth earphones? Or the oldest festive favourite of all, a Ferrari-branded baseball cap? There is no more surefire way of letting people passing you in the street know that you can't afford the car you're advertising at your own expense. Car-branded gifts are not cool. Don't do it.

If you really are stuck for Christmas ideas for the car nut in your family or group of friends then I'll happily suggest any of the following; a track day package, a day's off-roading tuition, a year's subscription to a decent car mag, a glossily-produced coffee table book on your car bore's marque of choice, an artwork from the Steve McQueen or Michael Caine movie of your choice or - if you're really desperate - one of those car care kits available from any department store worth their salt.

I await my DVD-shaped Christmas present from Santa later this month...